5 Reasons Your Introverted Pastor Does NOT Hate You

This post is adapted from this post. It's so freeing for me to read. I encourage you to read on it too...

Does your pastor seem to:
- think more than talk
- have no backbone regarding conflict
- avoid you
- only share personal information with a select few
- prefer writing over talking
- dislike or even hate you

Allow me to be preemptively forthright: Your pastor does not dislike or hate you.
Here are 5 things which may help you understand your introverted pastor and trust that she does not hate you.

1. IT’S NOT YOU, ITS HER.
This is a part of her personality. The disconnection is not because of you. This is not an excuse; it is a simple statement of reality. The quiet reservedness is part of the way she is wired. It is not a reflection of how she thinks of you.

2. SHE IS NOT A BOUNCER (prone to DEPTH; not frequency)
Your introverted pastor is not going to be the type to bounce around from conversation to conversation on a Saturday (or whenever your main gathering is). Outgoing introverts have to work at it in large groups, but the depth of a face-to-face conversation with an introvert may be one of the deepest and most intentional conversations you’ve had.

3. THERE IS ALWAYS A “WHY” (processes)
An introvert, especially an introverted leader, is ALWAYS internally processing things. When an introverted leader enacts a change, which makes no sense to you, you can be assured that she has been over and over and over that decision in her mind for days, weeks, or months.  Introverted pastors make no flippant changes. Ask for the “why”, and she will likely have a well-thought out answer for you.

4. SHE IS AWARE OF MORE THAN YOU THINK (she observes and reads people…constantly)
Never assume your pastor knows nothing about you. A part of the internal processing mentioned above also applies to people watching. Your introverted pastor observes and reads people…constantly. Introverts have an uncanny ability to read people below the surface. She may not expose what she perceives verbally, but rest assured she knows you exist and…

5. SHE LOVES YOU DEARLY…BUT SHE IS DRAINED BY YOU
Introverted ≠ shy. Extroverted ≠ outgoing. The two words are references to how the person is energized. Extroverted people are energized by people, and are bored to tears when alone for too long. Introverted people are energized by time alone and are drained by extended exposure to large groups of people. Your introverted pastor is likely an outgoing introvert, but ‘outgoing’ is a mode she has to put herself into. It drains her energy level. It is NOT a reflection of you…it is the way she is wired.

[BONUS]: She IS aware of the disconnection…and she hates it
The downside of the internal processing is that your introverted pastor internalizes EVERYTHING, which includes the negative things. She very much desires to be connected to everyone at the appropriate depths a pastor SHOULD, but the very personality that makes her who she is makes it difficult to attain and sustain frequent connection.

She constantly thinks about the disconnection you feel, but she takes every bit of it personally. What seems like an oddity to an extrovert is a thorn in the flesh of an introvert.
Be mindful of these things next time you feel your introverted pastor dislikes you or intentionally distances herself from you.

consolidation

I just did something that's been years in the making and surely a step in the right and proper direction. I consolidated almost all of my blogs. Almost all because a couple need to stay separate. But the other four didn't need to be four. Yes, I've had 6 blogs. I'm winning in compartmentalization. Trust me, it all made sense when each blog began. They served different purposes. Separation was the right thing to do. Until it wasn't. And now four have become one.

I've been blogging since 2005. That's pretty cool. I've had a lot to say. Apparently.

Now to get on with the rest of my unpacking.

definitions

i'm in a pretty lengthy process of redefining how i live my life. i say it's lengthy as a sort of precautionary measure. i want to give myself as much time as i need and i have no clue what that'll be so "lengthy" seems a good choice.

the first step i've taken with regard to this blog is to remove what i do from the subtitle. after all, the thing that i do each weekday and often weekend that puts money in the bank account that i share with my husband is not the sum total of who i am. and "sum total" is one of those phrases i've never used out loud but sounds right. so i cross my fingers and hope i've used it correctly. and if not, i'll wait patiently for that one person who must be the rod of correction to fill me in in that oh so loving way in which correction rods do their thing.

yes, i am a campus minister. i am a pastor. i am a wife. i am a sweater lover. i am a load of things. and typically, this collection of labels makes for a pretty good day, week, month, year. but this year has been different and i feel as if the days leading into it were a sort of premonition. life will get crazy. prepare. be ware. but i had no idea just how crazy it would be.

2013 has been a beast. there are a few known-to-me reasons why that's so. and as i unpack each one, i'm sure i'll recognize even more and i hope that i never get anxious along the way as i heal and cry and laugh and pray. i have to pray. it's nonnegotiable.

check back in for more on this redefining journey. the mapper in me wants to have it all planned out perfectly so that there's a post at a very specific time over a very specific period of days. i think that's unrealistic at the moment. i'll post when i post. truth is, i have to get it out so it'll come. it'll come because stuff has started to collide.