i don't want to be that person

who lets anger control
who jumps to unnecessary conclusions
who has no patience
who says "that's just the way i am"
who creates a domino effect of lateness
who, due to his/her lack of planning, disrupts another's schedule
who doesn't listen with more than ears
who's so afraid to be wrong
who's so afraid of not being in charge
who can't accept "thank yous"
who's hard to love
who can't sit still
who can't be spontaneous
who has to have the last word
who always has to fight
who goes with the flow even if the flow smells bad
who asks but doesn't really care to know
who knows but doesn't really want to care
who has two good eyes yet no peripheral vision
who doubts God

...but i am many of those things and so i know them when i see them in others. and i hate them (the traits, not the people). and it's hard to love the people. but that's what i'm supposed to do.

i don't want to be that person
who doesn't know how to love

strumming

my pain
with his fingers

singing
my life
with his words

killing
me softly
with his song

telling
my whole life
with his words

no wonder it's such a great song...it comes from poetry.

good words = good lyrics = great music = fantastically fun performance = fun was had by all = what i want to do more of

ummmmmmmmmmmm music!

the difference

i sing from time to time. the difference between an enjoyable music experience and a regrettable music experience is intentionality. today i was intentional and i enjoyed it.

i teach 3 days a week. the difference between an energizing session and a boring session is intentionality. today i bored myself.

i do homework just about every day and i don't like having to be intentional. i want to close my eyes and dream it all away, not because i don't like it but because i'd rather be doing something else like singing or teaching.

the difference between contentment and getting by is intentionality. i'm more content now than i was this time last year. i'm doing more of what i enjoy, intentionally. and hopefully, when i'm all done with school, i can add writing to the list. and then my dream will be complete. music-teaching-writing. i want all 3 in my life at all times. am i asking too much? no. coz i enjoy them and when i'm intentional, i do them very well and others are benefited.

it's 9:28. i'm wasted.

i may intentionally get to bed soon so that i can intentionally blade in the morning.

[i think i've just overused that word for the next 6 months]

good yet bad

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/loonie

bad only because it means my american money doesn't stretch as far but good because my canadian money is making waves...

...i don't like money sometimes. *sigh*

but when i wiggle my toes in my new brown comfort vessels, i smile, yes i smile.

following.directions.

if i only did it more often, i'd have good food more often.

amen!

coconut milk
rice vinegar
red pepper flakes
soy sauce
sweet onion
garlic
green onion

life is good!

running

so i got new running shoes...they aren't exactly what i want but they'll do for the next couple of months as i get back into the swing of things, the run of things, the pace of things, the pain in my weaker knee, the sore back and tummy muscles, the need to stretch more than ever, the need to drink more water, the sweaty t-shirts, the extreme fatigue calmed by a shower...

i like it a lot!

sauce

i experienced some fabulous sauces a a Thai restaurant the other day and consequently promised myself to do more sauce experimentation. so this past weekend i cooked a Thai Chicken dish using Fri Chik (good 'ole vege meat). i made up a marinade based on the recipe's ingredients and had the Chik soak in it overnight. the next day i fried it up.

now, i enjoyed the Chik but the best part, in my opinion, was the sauce all by itself....wish i'd made more! it had great ginger flavour and left kick in the back of your throat, just enough to make you say "ooo, nice."

see, i love rice and if i make more sauces i can enjoy rice even more...and vegetables too, i guess.

vivre la sauce!

uncle james

A (26)
Originally uploaded by Complicated Philosophy

my uncle james used to do modern dance. i never got to see him in action. that's a great sweater he's wearing. he lives in austria. i should pay him and his family a visit.

my little sis has those same cheeks...as does my mum (i think).

ah, uncle james. you're cute. and your face says you're also trouble!

love.music

there's something great yet awful about beautiful music: it energizes, encourages and then makes you stay up a little later so you can write about it. trust me...it's making me do this! i will lack sleep tomorrow because of music. it's NOT my fault. i am NOT in control of this.

haha

i'll always enjoy jazz. i may not sing it often but i'll always enjoy it and it will always influence what i sing. coz love made music...

leaving

http://www.boundlessline.org/2007/09/young-adults-le.html

there's truth here...but what do i do with my peers? helping teens is necessary, yes. but how do i reach out to those who've already disengaged? that's part of my calling isn't it?

mirrors

they come in all sorts of forms: plastic, glass, round, square, wall size, clutch purse size...and sometimes they're people.

it's not that they look like you. it's that their behaviour helps you see yourself. in that moment you have choices. do i accept what i've seen? do i reject it? do i take necessary steps to adjust how i look? etc.

i love mirrors.

i abhor mirrors.

one minute i look marathon-ready.

the next i look like i just gave birth to quadruplets.

okay

so to say my jazz singing days are numbered is slightly over-the-top. what i should say is that i have to put other stuff first. what i sing most, what people hear from my lips most, should be songs that speak directly to who Christ is , what he's done, how wonderful it is to know and love him, etc.

a Christ-centred music life. that's what i want and it's actually what's required of me.

okay, why am i trying to explain this? am i proving something to you, the reader? or am i trying to convince myself?

...neither. i'm just trying to get my words/thoughts straight...more later.

subconscious consciousness

you know how it is when a thought comes to mind, you ponder it momentarily then let it rest in your subconscious, then it resurfaces hours later to find you better aware after having subconsciously unpacked its truth?

well, this is my reality. i'm minutes from a solid night of sleep yet i'm fully processing the fact that if i spend my energy using what God has gifted me with for vain glory, i'll never be content. "vain glory." i know it's a bit archaic, stilted, stuffy, KJVish--but it's real.

my jazzy love song singing days are numbered...honestly. and i'm not on a crazy fanatical tip. i'm actually on a transformation tip. i don't think jazzy love songs are evil. i just don't think they do anything worth hours of practice.

more later...the night is not young.

real simple

my favourite magazine. i bought the latest issue over a week ago. i've flipped through it very, very briefly. that's how busy i've been, preoccupied with things that matter more than easy recipes and essential classic wardrobe items (though i think highly of those things).

and now i'm reading "forgiving our parents forgiving our selves," a book for one of my classes. i must get back to work.

just wanted to note that even though i haven't made time to read my favourite magazine, i'm certainly basking in the joys of doing things simply.

i wake
i blade
i meditate
i eat
i work
i listen
i teach
i listen
i eat
i question
i work
i spend quality time (can't think of one word to sum that up!)
i sleep
i rest

i'm extremely busy yet life is real and simple.

i'm blessed.