my work often has me thinking about self-worth: my own, that of my students, where we find it, how we feed it. and while i know that we should only find & feed it in Christ, i also know that Christ isn't always our first resort. we end up disappointed, frustrated, wondering why ppl affect us the way they do.
on friday i went for a walk and i've decided, since then, to do that much more often--daily would be gold. i had two reasons for walking: 1) renew my campus ID card & 2) talk with God. a student accompanied me for part of the journey and that was really cool...unplanned and cool. we chatted, he gave me clearer directions for getting to the ID card office, we enjoyed the beautiful weather. those few minutes were a great reminder of how free and simple relationships can be. good times. and then it was just me and God.
i've been running through a lot of self-worth questions/complaints lately, none of which are as obvious as "i am so unworthy" but rather of the subtle type, the "why does X frustrate me so much?" or "i should probably do less so that i have more to feel good about." and other times i play so many games of Sudoku on my phone that i know i'm escaping something, something i should be confronting. but i'd rather increase the winning moments in my life...
the passive agressive stance. not attractive. not productive. not love. God is love. He reminded me of that as we walked. it made my day. no, nothing audible yet very real. faith-real. so if you don't believe it, i've got nothin for ya. except that i've been reminded to take God at His word. He says to seek Him with all my heart so i did. i walked and i poured out and i listened. and in the quiet of the moment, He spoke.
I love you. and in those words i heard, "I've got this." i finally relaxed. it has been a while since i've relaxed. my left shoulder takes a hit every time i take on stress. the last time i visited my masseuse, she let me know that i wasn't so tense the last time. what a joy to hear... she'd love to know that saturday morning i woke up pain free.
seek Me. we don't always get a clear revelation of God's Word in our lives, not because He hasn't worked on our behalf but because we haven't gone for a walk. we're missing out on so much more than stress-free shoulders.
i want more God-wins because these are uncharted waters.
