it's not the first time i've been unable to remain in that free state called sleep, the minutes and hours of peace that i often crave. no one gets on your real nerves when you're sleeping. no one rudely interrupts your true concentration when you're sleeping. you can change the way your dream is going, try out a new ending or two. and the best thing about sleep is that i rest.
except for the times i don't. like sunday night. like last night. or perhaps i should say monday morning and this morning when i woke around 3 something and just couldn't return to rest. on monday my mind came alive in the most ridiculous way ever. it was as if my brain had 3 switches: off, on and torpedo power. and the frustration i felt when unable to return to rest was so great, as if switch #3 had been flipped by some vindictive force.
i was upset.
but unlike monday, i've chosen to stay awake. unlike monday, i haven't remained in bed hoping to flip switch #1 and eventually succeeding. instead, i've set my laptop on the kitchen counter and have begun exploring the torpedo powered thoughts via google searches, a friends link recommendation and the seemingly rabid prayers from my heart to God's throne.
please hear me. please help me. please remind me of what matters most.
i believe it's You. i believe You're found in Your word. i believe Your word is confirmed in my life as i live according to Your word. i believe You'll never leave or forsake me even when i'm clearly confused. i believe You're coming again and that i should be ready. i desperately need You to remind me that i'm where You need me to be.
i desperately need You to
calm
the storms that rage, the pride, the self-righteousness, the knowledge snobbery, the downward turn on my nose to those i find a little over the top, off their rocker, so not like You (at least, not to me...)
i'm learning to stand by God's word and His word only. i'm learning to trust that He's completing the good work He began in me, in you. i'm learning to not get upset over my slow processing brain that doesn't learn well from rapid-fire lectures. i'm learning to be content in all things that don't conflict with the love of God that we find in Christ Jesus. i'm learning.
just wish i'd only learn in daylight...after a long, peaceful sleep. but i love the quiet of early morning. and i find my rest in the unfailing, night-or-day, peace of God.
Thursday, January 27
Monday, January 24
i am a chaplain
honestly, this just dawned on me the other day when i thought of what to name the url. combining my occupation with my initials seemed a revolutionary thought. chaplain? me? what?!
yet i prefer it to pastor. sorry. even minister is better than pastor. but let me not get too deep into crazy talk. that's another blog for another vulnerable day.
i am a chaplain and (clearly) i'm still getting used to the idea. i don't have a lot of preconceived notions of what it means. i do believe that it includes a large amount of care giving and outside of hospitals/hospice/prison/and-other-institutional-spaces it's often hard for me to envision exactly what that care should look like. as an introvert, i've been known to respond negatively to the idea of giving care because it means i won't have as much time to spend alone and in my head. rather, i'll be with people, asking them about themselves, reading into what's really wrong and returning home absolutely void of energy.
this journey asks me to adjust without complaint, find joy instead of sulk. and i have. it has been hard but i have adjusted and i have found joy. and though the knowledge that i've still got a looooong way to go could be daunting, i find it a welcomed challenge...at least for now.
bring it on.
i
am
a chaplain!
hehe. oh and did i mention that i'm Adventist and working with students on public university and college campuses? did i mention that i'm one of few Adventist chaplains in this arena? did i mention that it's all still very new almost a year and a half in?
yeah. uncharted waters.
yet i prefer it to pastor. sorry. even minister is better than pastor. but let me not get too deep into crazy talk. that's another blog for another vulnerable day.
i am a chaplain and (clearly) i'm still getting used to the idea. i don't have a lot of preconceived notions of what it means. i do believe that it includes a large amount of care giving and outside of hospitals/hospice/prison/and-other-institutional-spaces it's often hard for me to envision exactly what that care should look like. as an introvert, i've been known to respond negatively to the idea of giving care because it means i won't have as much time to spend alone and in my head. rather, i'll be with people, asking them about themselves, reading into what's really wrong and returning home absolutely void of energy.
this journey asks me to adjust without complaint, find joy instead of sulk. and i have. it has been hard but i have adjusted and i have found joy. and though the knowledge that i've still got a looooong way to go could be daunting, i find it a welcomed challenge...at least for now.
bring it on.
i
am
a chaplain!
hehe. oh and did i mention that i'm Adventist and working with students on public university and college campuses? did i mention that i'm one of few Adventist chaplains in this arena? did i mention that it's all still very new almost a year and a half in?
yeah. uncharted waters.
Friday, January 21
miracles
i often wake up in the morning, so unsure of how the day will flow. it's not that i have nothing to do. oh no. i never have nothing to do. it's that i'm unsure where to start.
back in 2001, somewhere in the fall, i and many other a young woman attended a day-long women's retreat put on by our local Campus Crusade folks. our leader was a tall brunette. short cut. very chic all the way around. and she loved us even if she'd just met us. i could tell. she poured into us truths about God and the life He desired us to live. (and i respect those truths which is why i feel loved when i receive them.) and as she shared that it's often hard to know the will of God, the 1 thing i'll always remember from that Saturday was the thought, "do the next best thing--sometimes that's simply brushing your teeth."
and so, that night the Christian Single Female was birthed as i did the next best thing i knew and poured as much truth as i could find into the lives of the Christian single females i called friends. and every month or so another edition of my newsletter would leave my floppy disk, enter their inbox and hopefully transform their lives at least a little.
today wasn't quite that groundbreaking even though i do consider it a miracle that i've now completed hours of meaningful time by simply doing the next best thing. victory! i'm celebrating God right now, celebrating His tireless efforts to keep me close to Him, in His will, His way. i'm celebrating God b/c He keeps on performing miracles and today is one such miracle for me.
this is the life--allowing God to take you through uncharted waters.
back in 2001, somewhere in the fall, i and many other a young woman attended a day-long women's retreat put on by our local Campus Crusade folks. our leader was a tall brunette. short cut. very chic all the way around. and she loved us even if she'd just met us. i could tell. she poured into us truths about God and the life He desired us to live. (and i respect those truths which is why i feel loved when i receive them.) and as she shared that it's often hard to know the will of God, the 1 thing i'll always remember from that Saturday was the thought, "do the next best thing--sometimes that's simply brushing your teeth."
and so, that night the Christian Single Female was birthed as i did the next best thing i knew and poured as much truth as i could find into the lives of the Christian single females i called friends. and every month or so another edition of my newsletter would leave my floppy disk, enter their inbox and hopefully transform their lives at least a little.
today wasn't quite that groundbreaking even though i do consider it a miracle that i've now completed hours of meaningful time by simply doing the next best thing. victory! i'm celebrating God right now, celebrating His tireless efforts to keep me close to Him, in His will, His way. i'm celebrating God b/c He keeps on performing miracles and today is one such miracle for me.
this is the life--allowing God to take you through uncharted waters.
Thursday, January 20
lessons learned
- live honestly always so that when necessary the truth can vindicate you
- whenever someone does something that hurts you, think about whether or not you've ever done the same
- ask the Holy Spirit to guide your day and even the next 2 seconds (when something foolish is about to explode from your lips)
- live according to your core values (otherwise you'll be too quickly swayed by the suggestions/demands of others)
Barnabas & Timothy
Barnabas
We find details about Barnabas' background spread throughout the book of Acts and Paul's epistles. Luke tells us that Barnabas was a Levite whose family came from the island of Cyprus where some of the Jews of the Diaspora had settled. He was a cousin of Mark, the writer of the gospel by that name (Colossians 4:10). His Hebrew name was Joseph (or Joses), but he was better known as Barnabas. Joseph means "may God increase"; Joses, "He that pardons"; and Barnabas, "son of encouragement." All three names contain wonderful attributes of God. Since the apostles called him "son of encouragement," this may have been Barnabas' most important characteristic.
Barnabas is first mentioned as a landowner who sold some land and generously donated all the proceeds to the apostles in Jerusalem (Acts 4:36-37). A few years later, God appointed him as an apostle with Paul to the Gentiles (Acts 13:2-3; 14:14). He spent many years preaching the gospel in lands far distant from both Jerusalem and Cyprus.
Tradition says that Barnabas was one of the seventy whom Jesus Christ sent out in pairs "as lambs among wolves" into every city (Luke 10:1-12). They were to carry no money, baggage, or sandals, nor were they to greet anyone along the road. Jesus told them that they were on a special mission of peace only to those God was calling. He sent them to preach the gospel to those whom He defined specifically as "son[s] of peace"—the called of God.
Barnabas was not afraid to stand by God's messengers in a time of tumult. He was the first person of influence and responsibility to extend his personal warmth and home to Saul of Tarsus, when all Jerusalem was still casting stones at him (Acts 9:26-31). The disciples in Jerusalem, who knew Saul only as a fierce persecutor and murderer of the saints, were afraid of him. They could hardly believe that the feared inquisitor had been converted. Although the rest shrank from Saul in fear and suspicion, Barnabas came forward and showed great kindness toward him.
He introduced Saul to the apostles (verse 27), so that he could tell them the story of his miraculous conversion and how he had preached with power at Damascus. In subsequent times, as Paul came into greater prominence, Barnabas quietly fell back into a supporting role.
Barnabas and Paul had their moments of disagreement, however. A serious conflict arose between them over John Mark, Barnabas' cousin. In Acts 15:36-41, Paul was still upset over Mark's decision in Pamphylia to leave them and their work, and this led to a definite breach between them. Sharp contention caused Barnabas and Paul to head their separate ways—Barnabas with Mark to Cyprus and Paul with Silas to Syria and Cilicia. This breach between them apparently lasted for quite some time.
In Antioch, Paul considered certain converted Jews, including the apostle Peter, to be hypocrites regarding eating with the Gentiles (Galatians 2:11-13). In verse 13, Paul writes, "Even Barnabas was carried away with their hypocrisy." The wording indicates that Barnabas' actions surprised Paul. Obviously, this was uncharacteristic of Barnabas, and it miffed Paul. It does seem odd that Barnabas would not fear harboring Saul of Tarsus in his home, protecting him from vigilantes, but was afraid to stand up to Jewish Christians regarding eating with Gentile Christians. This just shows that all Christians occasionally give in to the prejudices of our backgrounds, and we spend much of our lives trying to overcome them.
Although Barnabas and Paul had their differences, they were not irreconcilable. Paul last refers to Barnabas a few years later regarding the church's support of them (I Corinthians 9:6). By this time, it seems Paul and Barnabas had reconciled and were working together again. We would expect nothing less from two converted individuals.
Scripture paints a picture of Barnabas as a kind, forgiving, encouraging, and compassionate man. Luke sums up his character in Acts 11:24, "He was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and of faith." Luke then follows this ringing endorsement with a meaningful postscript: Wherever he went, "a great many people were added to the Lord." Despite Barnabas' faults, no more or less than any of ours, he received a wonderful, God-inspired commendation as a permanent example of a true witness for God. How encouraging for us!
Barnabas sacrificed himself to be instrumental in God's cultivation of His church. Paul makes specific mention of the fact that Barnabas, who willingly impoverished himself in the interests of the church, labored with his own hands to support himself on his missionary journeys.
Timothy
Timothy himself is an interesting study. Born in Lystra of a Greek father and of a Jewish mother, he was brought up in the Jewish faith and was taught the Scriptures from childhood.
Paul made him an understudy in his second journey (Acts 16:1–3), and Timothy remained with him ever after. He shared in the evangelization of Macedonia and Achaia and aided Paul during the three years of preaching at Ephesus, where he became thoroughly acquainted with the city and with the needs of the local church. He was one of the delegates appointed to Jerusalem (20:4) and probably went with Paul all the way back to that city. He was with Paul in Rome during the first imprisonment, for his name appears in the headings of Colossians (1:1) and of Philemon (1). After the release he traveled with Paul and evidently was left at Ephesus to straighten out the tangle that had developed there, while Paul went on to visit the churches in Macedonia.
At the end of Paul’s life he joined him at Rome (II Tim. 4:11, 21), and himself suffered imprisonment (Heb. 13:23), from which he was later released.
(Merrill C. Tenney, New Testament Survey, p. 334).
After Paul was acquitted by the Emperor and released from his first Roman imprisonment (a.d. 61), he resumed his missionary activities, accompanied by Timothy, Titus, Luke, and possibly some others. Contrary to his earlier thinking, he was able to return to Ephesus; there he left Timothy in charge while he moved on to Macedonia (I Tim. 1:3; cf. Acts 20:25, 37–38).
Paul expected to rejoin Timothy at Ephesus, but he was not sure about the time of his arrival (3:14; 4:13). Thinking that he might be delayed longer than he had expected, Paul thus wrote to Timothy to encourage and to instruct him in his many tasks: ‘But if I tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth’ (3:15). The book therefore was written from Macedonia about a.d. 62, although some have suggested either a.d. 63 or 64.”
(Robert G. Gromacki, New Testament Survey, p. 295).
We find details about Barnabas' background spread throughout the book of Acts and Paul's epistles. Luke tells us that Barnabas was a Levite whose family came from the island of Cyprus where some of the Jews of the Diaspora had settled. He was a cousin of Mark, the writer of the gospel by that name (Colossians 4:10). His Hebrew name was Joseph (or Joses), but he was better known as Barnabas. Joseph means "may God increase"; Joses, "He that pardons"; and Barnabas, "son of encouragement." All three names contain wonderful attributes of God. Since the apostles called him "son of encouragement," this may have been Barnabas' most important characteristic.
Barnabas is first mentioned as a landowner who sold some land and generously donated all the proceeds to the apostles in Jerusalem (Acts 4:36-37). A few years later, God appointed him as an apostle with Paul to the Gentiles (Acts 13:2-3; 14:14). He spent many years preaching the gospel in lands far distant from both Jerusalem and Cyprus.
Tradition says that Barnabas was one of the seventy whom Jesus Christ sent out in pairs "as lambs among wolves" into every city (Luke 10:1-12). They were to carry no money, baggage, or sandals, nor were they to greet anyone along the road. Jesus told them that they were on a special mission of peace only to those God was calling. He sent them to preach the gospel to those whom He defined specifically as "son[s] of peace"—the called of God.
Barnabas was not afraid to stand by God's messengers in a time of tumult. He was the first person of influence and responsibility to extend his personal warmth and home to Saul of Tarsus, when all Jerusalem was still casting stones at him (Acts 9:26-31). The disciples in Jerusalem, who knew Saul only as a fierce persecutor and murderer of the saints, were afraid of him. They could hardly believe that the feared inquisitor had been converted. Although the rest shrank from Saul in fear and suspicion, Barnabas came forward and showed great kindness toward him.
He introduced Saul to the apostles (verse 27), so that he could tell them the story of his miraculous conversion and how he had preached with power at Damascus. In subsequent times, as Paul came into greater prominence, Barnabas quietly fell back into a supporting role.
Barnabas and Paul had their moments of disagreement, however. A serious conflict arose between them over John Mark, Barnabas' cousin. In Acts 15:36-41, Paul was still upset over Mark's decision in Pamphylia to leave them and their work, and this led to a definite breach between them. Sharp contention caused Barnabas and Paul to head their separate ways—Barnabas with Mark to Cyprus and Paul with Silas to Syria and Cilicia. This breach between them apparently lasted for quite some time.
In Antioch, Paul considered certain converted Jews, including the apostle Peter, to be hypocrites regarding eating with the Gentiles (Galatians 2:11-13). In verse 13, Paul writes, "Even Barnabas was carried away with their hypocrisy." The wording indicates that Barnabas' actions surprised Paul. Obviously, this was uncharacteristic of Barnabas, and it miffed Paul. It does seem odd that Barnabas would not fear harboring Saul of Tarsus in his home, protecting him from vigilantes, but was afraid to stand up to Jewish Christians regarding eating with Gentile Christians. This just shows that all Christians occasionally give in to the prejudices of our backgrounds, and we spend much of our lives trying to overcome them.
Although Barnabas and Paul had their differences, they were not irreconcilable. Paul last refers to Barnabas a few years later regarding the church's support of them (I Corinthians 9:6). By this time, it seems Paul and Barnabas had reconciled and were working together again. We would expect nothing less from two converted individuals.
Scripture paints a picture of Barnabas as a kind, forgiving, encouraging, and compassionate man. Luke sums up his character in Acts 11:24, "He was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and of faith." Luke then follows this ringing endorsement with a meaningful postscript: Wherever he went, "a great many people were added to the Lord." Despite Barnabas' faults, no more or less than any of ours, he received a wonderful, God-inspired commendation as a permanent example of a true witness for God. How encouraging for us!
Barnabas sacrificed himself to be instrumental in God's cultivation of His church. Paul makes specific mention of the fact that Barnabas, who willingly impoverished himself in the interests of the church, labored with his own hands to support himself on his missionary journeys.
Timothy
Timothy himself is an interesting study. Born in Lystra of a Greek father and of a Jewish mother, he was brought up in the Jewish faith and was taught the Scriptures from childhood.
Paul made him an understudy in his second journey (Acts 16:1–3), and Timothy remained with him ever after. He shared in the evangelization of Macedonia and Achaia and aided Paul during the three years of preaching at Ephesus, where he became thoroughly acquainted with the city and with the needs of the local church. He was one of the delegates appointed to Jerusalem (20:4) and probably went with Paul all the way back to that city. He was with Paul in Rome during the first imprisonment, for his name appears in the headings of Colossians (1:1) and of Philemon (1). After the release he traveled with Paul and evidently was left at Ephesus to straighten out the tangle that had developed there, while Paul went on to visit the churches in Macedonia.
At the end of Paul’s life he joined him at Rome (II Tim. 4:11, 21), and himself suffered imprisonment (Heb. 13:23), from which he was later released.
(Merrill C. Tenney, New Testament Survey, p. 334).
After Paul was acquitted by the Emperor and released from his first Roman imprisonment (a.d. 61), he resumed his missionary activities, accompanied by Timothy, Titus, Luke, and possibly some others. Contrary to his earlier thinking, he was able to return to Ephesus; there he left Timothy in charge while he moved on to Macedonia (I Tim. 1:3; cf. Acts 20:25, 37–38).
Paul expected to rejoin Timothy at Ephesus, but he was not sure about the time of his arrival (3:14; 4:13). Thinking that he might be delayed longer than he had expected, Paul thus wrote to Timothy to encourage and to instruct him in his many tasks: ‘But if I tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth’ (3:15). The book therefore was written from Macedonia about a.d. 62, although some have suggested either a.d. 63 or 64.”
(Robert G. Gromacki, New Testament Survey, p. 295).
Tuesday, January 11
help
it's a shared prayer. i prayed it this morning, posted in on FB, 4 ppl "liked it" and i just got off the phone with someone else who needed the same.
help.
_____________
dear Jesus,
pls help us. and when You do, pls assure us that it's You so that there's zero doubt that You're powerful right hand is all over the beautiful end result.
and Jesus...pls remind us to say, "thank you" even before we see the end (coz we know Your right hand is already working for our good...)
thank You.
uncharted waters
help.
_____________
dear Jesus,
pls help us. and when You do, pls assure us that it's You so that there's zero doubt that You're powerful right hand is all over the beautiful end result.
and Jesus...pls remind us to say, "thank you" even before we see the end (coz we know Your right hand is already working for our good...)
thank You.
uncharted waters
Friday, January 7
we've protected them from Jesus
suppose someone were to compare Jesus to a Snuggy. not cool, huh? well, unfortunately that's how we've portrayed him.
more on that later...
more on that later...
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