a love that compels

all the frustrations I've ever faced don't seem to compare to the emotional pain I'm currently in as I think about my friend, now dead, and the hundreds of women she ministered to in the dorm that I must now face for the next five days. sadly, I know what it's like to have death hit close to home and be the one in charge of keeping things moving (or at least trying). this time is different. I'm not in charge of the ministry but I'm in charge of sumbitting to the Spirit so deeply that what I say and do will bless these women...both students and staff. I'm not on my home turf and yet I feel at home with friends and former colleagues...I know I'll be alright.

you never dream of these moments. you don't wonder what it'd be like to step into a grieving space while grieving yourself and have to speak life. but by the power of God I will, each night, starting tonight.

I must.

uncharted waters...

the ideal persona

i sometimes wonder what it'd be like to be bubbly/sanguine...and how that would manifest in my work.

but i'm not bubbly/sanguine so spending time in wonderland is of no use. i'm mellow/melancholy. i think deeply and critically and i don't always have a smile (and smiling, unfortunately, is how some ppl indicate happiness/approachability. the bubbly/sanguine smile and are, therefore, considered happy.)

so knowing what i am and what i'm not, i take what i am and (without making too many excuses to the tune of "i can't change/that's just how i am/this is my personality/wah wah wah") minister to the needs of students as best i know how, constantly growing, forever improving, eternally challenged by what is perceived i should be.

what adds to the challenge is the non-student side of my work, the stuff that doesn't impact them immediately or directly yet matters to the life of the ministry. balance? nope. there's no such thing. just the daily, "God, what would you have me do?" and doing it come what may.

oh yeah. uncharted waters. 

together

sometimes my students confirm my struggles, not because they're causing them but because they're experiencing them, too. more often than not, it's unexpected. our age, experience, cultural norms, and basic preferences are typically different. so i'm surprised to recognize their pain, their anxiety, their frustration...as my own. and no, this isn't the pain, anxiety and frustration of my 1999-2000 senior year in college. it's the stuff of today as i'm two years into a career and they're in the last couple years of university life.

i'm thankful for these times. i don't have to wish that i could remember what it was like to be in their shoes 10+ years ago. our shoes differ but they hit the same pavement. we can grow together...

these are uncharted waters.

Celebrate

I'm supposed to take some time each Friday and celebrate my accomplishments, or should I say, the things that I've seen happen that I'm glad have happened this week.


So here goes:


I should first say that this is a hard exercise when I have a huge list I want to get through by 3pm...So maybe I should reschedule this exercise for 2pm.


Okay. Done