Stuff...

This Is the Stuff just popped into my head as I clicked "new post."

Been up since 3 and moved from "I should be able to go back to sleep" to "it ain't happnin" as all the stuff that I have yet to complete at work flooded my brain and then my knee pain kicked in, reminding me that work expectations must shift and I should never have tried to waterski. (I keep thinking my ACLs are shot. Will do a self-diagnosis via webmd later.)

Oh work. You grow up believing that after a load of education you'll get into a job you love and you'll wake up each morning excited to do it. Well when you wake up at 3am and become more stressed out by the minute, you wonder who fed you lies--especially when the 3am stuff has happened before...

From fundraising for renovations to wondering how in the world the ministry house can be all things to all people, I'm already spent and I haven't even checked my to do list. I really want to aspire to live a life of service instead of counting the days until I get to do something that I'm not responsible for. That "r" word is kicking my tail. And I never should have told anyone that I'm a recovering perfectionist coz now I get reminders that they're watching, seeing if I'm really recovering. And in the meantime, I'm struggling to find a great balance, struggling to fulfill all my responsibilities to my job and to myself. 

And in my introspection, I respond with, "Well, you should be seeking God's will and if you do that, everything will line up properly." And then I want to smack myself. Thank you all-knowing introspection. How timely are your words...[insert rolling eyes]

Then again, I'm not praying half as much as I should. The amount of sarcastic thoughts that fly through my brain each day make that quite clear. Unfortunately, I'm not used to praying so much. I don't think I've ever had to.

Increase Responsibility + More Prayer = Uncharted Waters...