following

am i allowed to read?

reading used to be the thing i did coz i liked it (or coz my parents hoped i'd one day like it). and then it became the thing i HAD to do in order to write a paper or feel smart in a discussion. and then it became the thing i did to avoid grading papers. and then it morphed back into HADland. and now it's in this strange space of, "i know reading is good but i'd rather listen to the audio but i can't afford a dozen audios so until that time i'm not quite sure when i'll read another book."

yeah, it's muddy.

i do like reading. i like marking the pages as i go--a brilliant passage here, a stellar line there. my favorite is a well crafted long sentence, the sort you find in translated works but with my flare. what i've found quite fascinating (coz i like the word "quite") is that i've had to force myself to give myself permission to read. it's stupid. #realtalk

and yet it's true. i didn't read last night b/c i wanted to finish knitting a scarf and i've got a habit of not finishing creative projects. and though this scarf project really isn't using my creative juices and though winter has just about passed, the desire to finish still applies. so i knitted and knitted, didn't finish the scarf but almost would do.

and then today comes along. i'm at work, accomplishing several tasks contentedly, when a lull emerges and i suddenly desire a warm beverage and a book. the ominous clouds out my window help me decide not to go to the local coffee shop with a book in tow but to simply go there quickly and return with a warm beverage (and free desert!) and settle into my tall, black desk chair, kick my heals onto my desk (something my mum would never approve of) and read.

but can i really do that? is that in the workers' policy book, section 2356b right after "sick days"? does my boss read books at work? am i allowed to read?

well, before i go into an even longer question session that eventually helps me rationalize reading at work, let me admit to you that i did indeed read. and about 6 pages later, all i wanted to do was write. so i did. it's what you've just been reading and it has absolutely nothing to do with the book which is actually about being a Christ-follower. in just 6 pgs, i'm questioning whether or not i'm truly following Christ or simply following good books about Christ and the good people who write them.

and what about you?

would following Christ 100% make reading a simpler decision?