after this

i'm in the midst of a class that's forcing me to wonder about my place in the worship-music world. i want to do music. i want to worship. but i don't want to do worship music all the time. it's not because i don't enjoy worship. it's just hard for me to know how i can possibly spend the rest of my life leading worship. what, then, happens to my teaching and my writing? perhaps i teach in terms of mentoring and perhaps i write in terms of creating liturgy and letting other people know what i'm working with and experiencing, the sorts of lessons i've learned--after all, others need to be informed. 

maybe that's it. maybe i should be looking for a worship leading position. after all, i want to mentor, i want to be able to have the platform to intentionally connect with potential leaders and grow them. i've so often complained about the lack of "equipping" and though i'm tired of that word use the reality still stands: we're not being taught.

yes, i want to teach. and i want to share through written words. but i want to sing even more than those. i want to be able to grow in my singing, deepen my knowledge and sharpen my practice. how do i do that if i'm busy planning services unless i'm getting paid?!? and even if i am, what time will there be to improve my craft?

i'm not money-hungry. trust me. but i want to be able to do what i do best (and can do better) all the time--no side gigs, no moonlighting, just music.

after this, when school is over and graduation processionals are through...then what? how will i do music? how will i write? how will i teach? how will i use what God has given me and has encouraged me to use for his glory, his kingdom, the blessing of his people?