stuff i forget to write about

i read a utmost devotional that messed my head up in a really great way the other day. i was particular struck by the words "Until others learn to draw on the life of the Lord Jesus directly, they will have to draw on His life through you. You must literally be their source of supply, until they learn to take their nourishment from God." and somehow it calmed me down, put things into better perspective, and freed me...to minister. 

***

i don't often know how to stop. it reminds me of a conversation i had a couple years ago with my Uncle G. i asked him (at 80-something) when he was going to slow down. he's still pastoring a local church. he said, "slow down? i've stopped." but he hadn't. i saw him again about a year later and he was sick, in hospital, and when my family went to visit his elders had just left. they'd had a meeting. "stopped" my foot! 

and now i see how it's possible to get to 80-something and not stop. after all, God's got work for me to do. right? well yes. sometimes. and at other times God's got rest for me to receive unless there's a crisis. and truly, those are few.

trouble is that when i do stop, i veg. instead of basking in the beauty of, um, i can't even remember what they're called. honestly, i'm experiencing memory loss. what do you call those things you do in your spare time? all that's coming to mind is chores, but i know that's far from what i mean. you know, the fun stuff. Dear Lord, what's my life coming to! (i'm not even making this up folks. there's a word. what is it??)

[close eyes. think.]

HOBBIES! thank you! 

okay, so instead of enjoying hobbies, i veg. i play sudoku or aimlessly surf facebook which is somehow vastly more fascinating than the entier world wide web within which it lies.  i wish i knew how to switch gears better. i should have been writing over an hour ago.

***

listening to one of my favorite songs--"tenebrae: 2nd movement" by the kronos quartet. it reminds me of a poem i wrote in seminary about the sanctuary. it gives me such peace, the song-poem combo. i should read it again.