from excitement to fear

fear...there's something to it...something useful. it's not that God can't use us when we're not fearful but fear humbles in a way that useful.

so now i'm useful...coz let me tell ya, i'm afraid!

afraid of saying foolishness
afraid of disgracing God
afraid that...

but why?

okay...so the "useful" thing only goes so far. once you pass humility to deer-in-headlights you've gone too far. that fear isn't useful, it gets you dead.

so i'm humbled by the reality that i'll never be enough, my words will never say enough. all i can do is surrender to the ability and willingness of God to speak through me, through the words i have prepared by his guidance. and that's that.

this is so bizarre. maybe i'll blog in full detail re. this process on sunday when it's all said and done and i can somewhat clearly reflect.

till then...later