pain changes you, it's true

when something rocks your world, so to speak, you never forget. some parts of you heal properly. nevertheless, various parts of you seem forever unsettled and you forever view the world through those unsettled parts.

consequently, the pain you see in others is inevitably (though often unrelated) your pain on display...an interesting phenomenon.

and if you still feel it, you know you'll never say those unfortunate words: i understand. coz no one understands yours.

and it's okay after a while. you can't expect the world to feel you--that's unfair. and you know that not everything happens for some explicable reason though God can work it out for good.

pain offers a perspective that never existed before your world got rocked.

i'm okay with that.

http://topnews.in/health/files/pain-and-depression.jpg

more...

Last night I dreamed that I was at a beach with huge dunes that stood in stark contrast to a short beach area. Most people were at the shore, playing in the water. Two people I remember vividly were my younger brother and sister. Everything was fine and everyone was having a good time until I saw gigantic tsunami waves approaching. I remember being the only one to notice them, yelling at everyone to run up the dunes. As I yelled, I ran and others followed as quickly as they could. Everyone made it up the dunes before the waves hit--what a relief!

But I woke up really distressed. We were all okay but I hadn't actually helped anyone up the dunes. My brother helped my sister and others helped each other. But I was only focused on yelling and running...

I tried to go back to sleep and eventually drifted off, attempting to make sense of the dream. Why hadn't I grabbed a hand? Why was I so focused being a messenger but of no physical use though I was physically able? Was it enough that I'd warned everyone?

Was it enough?

Are you wondering if what you do for others or for God is enough? Are you concerned that you should be doing more but you're not sure what "more" looks like?

For now, I've concluded that: a) I shouldn't beat myself up just yet, and b) I should thank God for making me aware of my need to never lose sight of "more."

wonder (as opposed to wander)

God.

some say the name out of frustration. i say the name out of wonder. i'm anxious for something to be resolved and long before it's resolved i've received the peace that passes all understanding. God-peace. and i'm transported to wonder.

how? why? and who am i? (psalm 8)

God. i just want to say i love you Lord. and thank you. you've got things under control. i'm confident in this. (isaiah 41:10)