the summer

sometimes you need to just smile or pose or whatever in front of a camera. and then you have to review the madness and smile, laugh, say "what was i thinking?" and then post them so the www can see : )

with bro anthony and dad....our facial expressions kill me!

me and tricia @ campmeeting -- she's such a blessing...

me and lauri in maryland....i've loved her voice since i was like 5 yrs old!

with lola, one of my classmates--an incredible vocalist! so smooth and honest in her sound...

with dean madrigal and cara--we slept on the beach!

surrender...random (very random) thoughts

talked with a friend about what sabbath observance is all about
talked to another friend about how our concept of time factors into sabbath observance
got a better perspective to approach first friend with regarding the sabbath
read a chapter for spiritual formation class about surrender and got frustrated...

who am i to tell you how to use your time? who am i to judge your level of surrender? who am i when i haven't surrendered anything 100%?

well, ptl i'm searching right? and this is what the Spirit revealed today as i read for class, as i wondered how in the world i'm supposed to be juggling all of my responsibilities and do each one well:

1. i do what i can, believing that God will do the rest. i do what i can to the best of my ability, resting in the knowledge that God will do the rest. i want an "A" in ever class particularly so that if i apply to any phd program, my grades won't be a hindrance...if i'm supposed to apply to any phd program and i'm doing my best with God's help then He'll help me get the grades i need....

2. i stop running because running is a sign that i'm trying to do things solo and realize that it won't work. i must trust others. no man is an island...

3. (there's more to learn even today, i'm sure)

i tried loving you

no, this is not a human love poem...trust me. it's me talking to God after recognizing His guidance

i tried loving you

hid the sunshine, packed the tears
dusted off a million fears
wondered why i couldn't hear
i tried loving you

searched my heart in different lands
held the bible in my hand
took a fall but not a stand
i tried loving you

kissed goodbye the common place
kept a smile upon my face
trained for every single race
but failed loving you

finally gave up my time
took your hand and cut off mine
gave away another dime
still failed loving you

prayed for wind and rain to cease
cooked up picture perfect peace
dreamt of permanent relief
then stopped loving you

you don't need a gourmet meal
served atop a packaged deal
reciped by how i feel
i stopped loving you

giving thought only to light
wishing not for my own sight
living for that first-class flight

and now
i think
i'm loving you