i don't want to be that person

who lets anger control
who jumps to unnecessary conclusions
who has no patience
who says "that's just the way i am"
who creates a domino effect of lateness
who, due to his/her lack of planning, disrupts another's schedule
who doesn't listen with more than ears
who's so afraid to be wrong
who's so afraid of not being in charge
who can't accept "thank yous"
who's hard to love
who can't sit still
who can't be spontaneous
who has to have the last word
who always has to fight
who goes with the flow even if the flow smells bad
who asks but doesn't really care to know
who knows but doesn't really want to care
who has two good eyes yet no peripheral vision
who doubts God

...but i am many of those things and so i know them when i see them in others. and i hate them (the traits, not the people). and it's hard to love the people. but that's what i'm supposed to do.

i don't want to be that person
who doesn't know how to love

strumming

my pain
with his fingers

singing
my life
with his words

killing
me softly
with his song

telling
my whole life
with his words

no wonder it's such a great song...it comes from poetry.

good words = good lyrics = great music = fantastically fun performance = fun was had by all = what i want to do more of

ummmmmmmmmmmm music!

the difference

i sing from time to time. the difference between an enjoyable music experience and a regrettable music experience is intentionality. today i was intentional and i enjoyed it.

i teach 3 days a week. the difference between an energizing session and a boring session is intentionality. today i bored myself.

i do homework just about every day and i don't like having to be intentional. i want to close my eyes and dream it all away, not because i don't like it but because i'd rather be doing something else like singing or teaching.

the difference between contentment and getting by is intentionality. i'm more content now than i was this time last year. i'm doing more of what i enjoy, intentionally. and hopefully, when i'm all done with school, i can add writing to the list. and then my dream will be complete. music-teaching-writing. i want all 3 in my life at all times. am i asking too much? no. coz i enjoy them and when i'm intentional, i do them very well and others are benefited.

it's 9:28. i'm wasted.

i may intentionally get to bed soon so that i can intentionally blade in the morning.

[i think i've just overused that word for the next 6 months]